Week 4 NFL Picks

Does anybody read this shit that I write? I only get about 200 hits a day, and I’m sure most of them are on accident. Honestly though, I don’t really give a fuck. But as soon as the time comes, and all of my prognostications come to fruition, i.e. Boise St. plays TCU in the NCAA Title game, Chiefs go 12-4, Pats win their fourth Super Bowl when nobody expected it, etc. etc. I’m going to boast like a motherfucker, like the way a father of a child who scored 3 touchdowns in his youth football game would. That’s right, I, like 79% of the country, live my life vicariously through the accomplishments of others.

Last Week (8-8)
Season (26-21)

San Francisco @ Atlanta (W)
– I think it’s time to throw in the towel for the 49ers. Not for their playoff chances, 6 or 7 games can win the NFC West. But as for being a quality football team, that towel has landed.

Cincinnati @ Cleveland (W)
– Who the fuck is Cincinnati? Sure Cleveland sucks, but the Bengals are average, which = a road loss to a divisional opponent.

NY Jets (W) @ Buffalo
– Oh please! The Jets are going to make Fitzpatrick feel like he should of invested his college career into a top-notch program, instead of trying to be smart and shit in the civilian world.

Seattle (W) @ St. Louis
– Seattle needs to win games like this to create separation for themselves in the division.

Denver @ Tennessee (W)
– If Chris Johnson wants 2,500 yards rushing, he needs to pick up the fucking pace.

Detroit @ Green Bay (W)
– The Packers lost a tight one last week, so now they’re going to score 57 points to prove how macho they are.

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh (W)
– Now is not the time to go against Pittsburgh, especially when the Ravens are not clicking at all.

Carolina @ New Orleans (W)
– Another week in the weak for Carolina after this ‘Pauly D Blowout.’

Indianapolis (W) @ Jacksonville
– Jack Del Rio might get bounced out this mug like them mo’fuckas did to that gross ‘little hamster’ Angelina.

Houston @ Oakland (W)
– Ehh… Just like J-Woww, ehh… Nah, she’s more like, sick. Just like all them broads are. They make me want to vomit. If I was bulimic, I’d get my inspiration from those bitches.

Washington @ Philadelphia (W)
– Now we got a situation here. To not give McNabb a standing ovation would be so ungrateful, and it would be sort of like a spoiled kid who acts like a fucking brat to their parents who give them everything they demand. I will hate every Philadelphian if they boo McNabb, just like how right-wingers hate muslims for that one isolated incident.

Anyway, Vick is the truth right now.

Arizona @ San Diego (W)
– Get off Philip Rivers’s dick about throwing 500 yards. His team is 1-2.

Chicago @ NY Giants (W)
– I don’t know, if the Bears were 2-1 or 1-2, I would probably pick them. But come onnnn… 4-0? Nah.

New England (W) @ Miami
– Brady, if Giselle wants to cheat, fuck her. Win in court, take the kid, and have her pay alimony. Enough of these bitches and their dominance in the court room. That’s a dynasty that needs to experience a shift in power, women being awarded custody and child support. No way a judge spits in the face of that charm.

Anyway slaughter these motherfucking fish like a Japanese fisherman, and end that road drought we’ve seen the past two years.

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